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PLUMMER'S RIDGE 




A "Rural Picture in 
Four Scenes 



n WILBUR DUNTLEY 



BOSTON, 1910 
PUBLISHED BY THE AUTHOR 




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PLUMMER'S RIDGE 



A Rural Picture in 
Four Scenes 



BY WILBUR DUNTLEY 



IBOSTON, 1910 
'T' BUSHED BY THE AUTHOR 



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PLUMMER'S RIDGE 

A Rural Picture in Four Scenes 
BY WILBUR DUNTLEY 



Time: Some years ago. 
Scene I: The Plummer sitting-room. 
Scene II: Dan Jones's crossroads emporium. 
Scene III: Old Mystic Park race-course. 
Scene IV: The road to happiness. 

CHARACTERS. 
Si Plummer — A country horseman of swapping proclivities. 
Mrs. Walden — His widowed sister. 
Thanie Walden — Her daughter. 
John Staples — A protege of Si Plummer's. 
Lem Huckins — A native. 
Miss Truell — The village schoolmarm. 
Sam Getchell — A groom in Si's employ. 
Bill Bunker — A tight-fisted citizen. 
Mrs. Pike — A widow. 

Dan Jones — The postmaster and proprietor of crossroads store. 
Tobias Berry — Just an old fossil . 
Jim Gibson — The blacksmith. 
French Charlie — A lumberman. 
Melvini Rhodes — A spinster. 
Amasa — Dan Jones's clerk. 
Lige — Driver of the depot coach. 
Frank Fortesque — A book maker. 
Joe — A score card boy. 

Mandy Lee — A futurity candidate. Grooms, bookmakers, race 
goers, etc. 

Copyright, 1910, by Wilbur L. Duntley. 

3 



Act I. Scene: The Plummer Sitting-room. 

Curtain rises with Thanie Walden at the piano finishing song. 
{Enter Sally from right.) 

Sally {looking out of window) — " Wa'U I can't fer the life of 
me see what's keepin' your Uncle Silas so late. Here it is an 
hour after supper time 'n' no sign of him !" 

Thanie {turning from piano) — " You know, Mother, Uncle 
said he was going to trade that sorrel horse if he had to be gone 
a week. Maybe he's found customers scarce." 

Sally: " Maybe so, 'n' then ergin like's not he's settled down 
somewheres with two or three other old fools, smoking his pipe 
'n' talkin' horse 'n' fergettin' thet he's got a home." 

Thanie: " Uncle is no fool, Mother. Trading in horses is his 
business. That's the way he gets a living for us all. I'm sure 
there never was a bigger hearted, better man than Uncle Silas." 

Sally: " Wa'll, don't I know it? I didn't mean ter say thet 
he wuz er regular looney. I know he knows his business, and 
I've heard it said more than once thet when he sold a horse, it 
didn't need selling ergin fer some tim.e. He's been swappin' all 
his life. When he wuz er boy he swapped marbles 'n' jack- 
knives 'n' everything he could get his hands on. Why once 
when we were children he swapped my baby carriage fer a Calf." 

Thanie {laughing) — "Traded your baby carriage for a calf?" 

Sally: " Yes, 'n' before he got through he got money enough 

to buy me a new baby carriage 'n' had eight dollars left over. 

Hark ! I thought I heard sleigh bells — no, that aint him." 

{Enter Sam Getchell from, door, drops armful of wood in box — 
exits.) 

Sally: " Silas has traded 'n' raced horses all his life, but sence 
he raised Mandy Lee 'n' entered her in that big Boston Futurity, 
he's be'n worse than ever. His heart is jest set on Mandy Lee's 
winnin' that race." 

Thanie: "And so is mine. Just think. Mother; if Mandy wins, 
Uncle Silas gets twenty thousand dollars." 

Sally: " 'N' if she loses he'll get th' dickens from everybody 
in Plummer's Ridge. He'll be the laughin' stock of everybody 
in the village. But I do hope she will win. It means so much 
to him." 

Thanie {sitting on arm of mother's chair) — " It means so much 
to us all. Mother. It means the happiness of John and me." 
Sally: " Why, Thanie." 

Thanie: " Yes, Mother, I've promised John to be his wife, if 
he drives Mandy Lee to victory, and I'm sure he'll win, for Uncle 
says that John drives as good a race as any man he knows, and 

4 



he also says there isn't a colt this side of well I won't say it, — 

but he says they can't beat Mandy Lee. And you don't blame 
me, Mother?" 

Sally (kissing Thanie) — " No, dear, no, ever since Silas 
brought him home a poor little homeless ragmuffin I've loved 
him. And I've loved him more every day as I watched him grow 
up into a good, honest, young man. You and John have been 
to school together since you were ten years old. You graduated 
from the academy together, and if you don't know your own 
minds it aint fer me ter decide." 

Lem Huckins {sticking head in door) — " Is Si home yet?" 

Sally {rising, Thanie goes to piano) — " No he haint. Won't 
yer come in where it's warm?" 

Lem {at door) — " No thank ye, I guess I'll go down ter th' 
barn 'n' have er peep et th' bosses. How, long 'fore ye expect Si 
back?" 

Sally: " Th' Lord only knows. When he gits off swappin' 
bosses, he never thinks ter come home till th' last gun is fired. 
{Exit Lem) — My, I f ergot th' flatiron fer th' schoolmarm's bed." 
{Exit right.) 

{Enter John with lantern and pail, sets them down inside, right.) 

John: " Well, Thanie, Mandy Lee is put away for the night. 
I've rubbed and bandaged her legs, changed her blankets, given 
her a good hot bran mash for supper and a bed of rye straw up 
to her knees. If she don't win the futurity it won't be for lack 
of care." 

Thanie: " And hopes and prayer — Oh, John, there isn't a 
night of my life that I don't pray for Mandy Lee, and through the 
day I dream of a bright September afternoon to come when you 
will drive her to a brilliant victory, and I hear the cheers of the 
crowd and see her led away with the floral wreath about her 
neck. Oh, these daydreams are glorious." 

John: " And that daydream of yours, Thanie, is going to come 
true. It's got to." 

{Enter Sally, right, with hot flatiron, crosses to left.) 

Sally {at door left) — " Miss Truell, may I come in?" {Enters.) 

{Re-enters Sally with Miss Truell) 

Sally: " I alius put a hot flatiron in that bed when anybody 
comes, fer er bed thet aint slept in gits th' sheets damp, 'n' I 
wouldn't have ye ketch cold fer th' world, dear." 

Miss Truell: " I'm sure I'll be very comfortable, Mrs. Walden. 
You are so very kind to take me in for the rest of the term. 
Teaching school at one end of the town and boarding at the other 
is a little too much when the snow is deep." 

5 



(Enter Lem Huckins and Sam Getchell.) 

Lem: " Beats all why Si don't come." 

Sally: " Mr. Huckins, this is Miss Truell, th' school teacher. 
She's goin' ter board with us th' rest uv th' winter." 

Lem: " Pleased ter meet ye, mum — Truell, did ye say? I'm 
some related ter th' Truells thet lived in Stubbinsville. My 
father 'n' old Jonas Truell swapped bosses once." 

Miss Truell (laughing) — " A very distant relation, I should 
say." 

Lem (sitting) — " Yes, I reckon they wuz kinder distant after 
they made th' trade." 

Thanie: " Do you play, Miss Truell? Won't you sit down 
here?" (Rises.) 

Sally: " Yes, Miss Truell, do sing somethin'." 

Miss Truell (sitting at piano) — " Let's see, what shall I sing? 
Oh, I know, I'll sing." (Sings ) 

(Applause.) 

Thanie: " You sing beautifully, Miss Truell." 

Lem: "By thunder thet's better than ye hear at th' singing 
school. (Listens, goes to window) — By cracky I hear sleigh bells, 
Si's comin'." 

(Sam ri'tshes out with lantern. Sound of bells drawing near, 
stop at door.) 

Si (outside) — " Whoa !" 

(Enter Silas Plummer, his arms full, clock, harness, etc.) 

Si (at door) — " Sam, don't fergit ter wet thet critter's feed. 
He whistles like er steam calliope. Wa'U did ye think I warn't 
never comin'?" 

Sally: " Wa'll we'd begun ter think you'd f ergot th' way 
home. Have ye had your supper?" 

Si (taking off wraps) — " No. I stayed with Jabe Wilson up 
on th' ten-rod road since noon till most supper time tryin' ter 
persuade him ter give me seventy-five ter boot. He offered me 
twenty-five 'n' erbout th' time he thought he'd have ter invite 
me in ter supper, he split th' difference 'n' give me er few trinkets 
besides. I'd stayed there all night, but what I'd got that fifty." 

Sally: " Silas, this is Miss Truell, th' school teacher. She's 
goin' ter board with us." 

Si: " Glad ter meet ye, schoolmarm. If they's anything I 
like ter have eround it's handsome women, 'n' yer welcome ez kin 
be." , 

Sally: " I cleared th' table off an hour ago. If you want some 

6 



supper you'll have ter go to th' pantry. We are all goin' ter th' 
sociable bime bye." (Exit Si, right. Enter Sam.) 

Miss Truell: " Mrs. Walden, your brother seems to be a most 
lovable character." 

Sally: " Yes, Silas is rough 'n' apt ter talk er whole lot of non- 
sense, but he's got ez big er heart ez any man thet ever lived." 

Lem: " Say, Sam, what kind of er hoss did Si git frum Jabe 
Wilson terday?" 

Sam: " I don't know. I guess I'll let Si do his own talking." 

{Enter Si with doughnuts and teapot.) 

Si {laughing) — ^" I can't help laughin' when I think of Jabe 
hitchin' up that sorrel hoss termorrer. Why that hoss kin kick 
th' stars outer th' heavens." 

Lem: " What did you git fer er hoss?" 

Si: " Wa'll, I didn't git no ten-thousand-dollar beauty. It's 
er pullin' blind hoss with er couple er spavins, er bowed tendon 
'n' th' heaves. Outside er that he's all right. Say, he pulls so 
hard thet all th' way home, fer twelve soHd miles, th' seat of 
my pants never touched th' cushion but once. How's th' filly, 
John?" 

John: " Oh, she's fine. Uncle. I never saw one act better." 

Si: " Act better ! Why, my boy, they aint one that kin beat 
her this side uv — the Pacific Ocean. Tonight's th' night we 
make th' final payment, too, boy." {Exit John.) 

Lem: " Say, Si, do you really think you kin win that race?" 

Si: " Wa'll, what do yer think I'm sendin' all er this entrance 
money in fer, jest fer th' fun of seein' my name in the th' score 
card?" 

Lem: " Wa'll no, Si, but I've heerd lots er folks thet pretend 
ter know, say that er man up here in New Hampshire haint got 
no show with them city chaps." 

Si: " My dear Lem, I realize thet er man thet's been er country- 
man with his head runnin' ter whiskers fer forty years haint got 
no more show breakin' into city life than er truck hoss has of 
winnin' er futurity, but this 'ere race haint men, it's colts. New 
Hampshire kin raise apples 'n' pertaters good ernough fer th' 
city folks ter eat, can't it? Next September I'm goin' ter make 
em swaller er New Hampshire-bred filly, one thet is just as good 
bred as any in Amerika, Europe, Irup 'n' Orope." 

Lem {risin\ going to door) — " Wa'll I hope ye do, Si, you've 
raced bosses er whole lot 'n' oughter know what er big colt stake 
means, but somehow er other I can't believe thet your filly kin 
beat th' best three-year-olds in the land. I can't git it inter my 
head that way." - 

7 



Si: " It aint at all necessary, Lem. Save th' wear 'n' tear on 
yer head, Lem. Don't try to. {Exit Lem) Good night, Lem. 
Gol darn 'em, I'll show these natives somethin' next fall thet they 
didn't read in th' Plummer's Ridge Weekly." 

Sally (to Silas) — " I suppose you've got ter go down ter Dan 
Jones's store tonight, ter set 'n' smoke 'n' talk hoss." 

Si (goes to desk) — " I've got to, Sally, sartin sure. I've got ter 
send erway er money order fer fifty dollars. Th' last payment on 
th' filly. Couldn't let that slip, nohow. It's gut ter be post- 
marked terday er it haint no good." 

Sally: " Well, Thanie, you and I had better git ready if we are 
goin' ter th' sociable. You'll excuse us just a minute, Miss 
Truell." (Exit Sally and Thanie right.) 

Miss Truell (takes chair center) — " Certainly." 

(Si at desk writing sings.) 

Miss Truell: " Why, Mr. Plummer, do you sing?" 
, Si: " Wa'U no, I used ter go ter singing school when I wuz er 
boy, though. But I didn't go ter sing." 

Miss Truell: " Didn't go to sing? What did you go for, Mr. 
Plummer?" 

Si: " Wa'll, I went because th' gal I wuz sweet on went. I 
thought I was goin' ter marry that gal — but she didn't seem ter 
think same as I did." 

Miss Truell: " It seems strange that you never married, Mr. 
Plummer." 

Si: " Wa'll, yes 'n' no. I guess I aint th' kind th' wimmin 
like, 'n' I don't know ez I blame 'em much. Now fer instance, 
you wouldn't want ter marry er gray-headed, terbaccer-smoked, 
fat, old hoss swapper like me, would you? Now honest?" 

Miss Truell (abashed) — " Well, now, really, Mr. Plummer." 

(Enter Sally, Thanie and John.) 

Sally: " We're all ready. Miss Truell, we've got to hurry or 
we'll be late." 

(Miss Truell dons wraps and exits door with Sally and Thanie.) 

Si (calling after them) — " I'll talk that over with yer ter- 
morrow, Schoolmarm. (Sits down to desk.) See here, John — 
I've made out this entry, 'n' got th' fifty dollars fer th' last pay- 
ment. Accordin' ter th' rules it's got ter be postmarked before 
eleven o'clock ternight. I'm goin' down ter Dan's 'n' git er 
money order pretty soon. (Rising.) Set down 'n' address th' 
envelope, you kin write better'n I can. (Counts money.) Fifty 
dollars. I rode more 'n fifty miles 'n' talked forty miles 'n 
hour ter git that fifty. (John hands him the envelope.) Here's 

8 



what I writ th' secretary at Boston: ' Dear Sec. Enclosed 
you will find a post office money order for fifty dollars, the 
same bein' th' final payment on Mandy Lee in th' twenty thou- 
sand dollar futurity. You will notice thet this letter is post- 
marked March first accordin' ter rules 'n' regulations, because 
jest ez soon ez I writ this letter I went down and had our genial 
postmaster Dan Jones put on th' finishin' touch. I 'spose 
they's er lot er fellers lookin' fer that twenty thousand, but ter 
save yer trouble I'll tell yer right now ter make out th' check 
payable ter yours truly Silas Plummer.' How's that, John?" 
John {laughing) — "■ That's all right, Uncle, but he'll think you 
are pretty sure of winning." 

Si: "I am sure, John. Somehow ever since she wuz foaled 
I've had er feelin' thet some day that filly would do great things. 
She's got th' Wilkes' blood on her sire's side,'n' her old mammy's 
breeding goes way back through all er th' hiferlootin trotters 
ter th' time Noah put th' animals in th' ark. Mandy Lee has 
got ter win, she's got to win. I know it means a whole lot to 
us all, but it means more in ernother way I never told you er- 
bout, 'n' it's bothered me." 

John: " Why, Uncle, is it anything you could tell me about?" 

Si: " Yes John, I'll tell you all erbout it so's you'll understand. 
You know Dave Pike's widder thet lives over on the Crown 
Point Road? Wa'll, erbout six months before Dave died I 
signed two notes with him fer two thousand dollars. He'd have 
paid 'em all right if he'd lived, but he up 'n' died 'n' left that poor 
little woman with three children ter support. Old Bill Bunker 
held th' notes, 'n' he's got er mortgage on th' homeplace. One 
er th' notes fer two thousand dollars come due last week 'n' I 
paid it, 'n' it took erbout all er th' ready money I had. The other 
one comes due next September, two days after Mandy Lee races 
in th' futurity. John, you 'n' Mandy Lee have got to win." 

John: " I'll do the best I know. Uncle." 

Si: "I know you will, John. When I send erway that fifty 
I got today {takes pocket-book out) , this old five-dollar gold piece 
will be every cent I've got in th' world. My old father gave me 
that, 'n' when he give it ter me he said, ' Silas, ez long as you have 
that you'll never be busted, but if yer ever do get pinched spend 
it like er king.' " 

John: " I'm so sorry, Uncle." 

Si: " Wa'll, I haint goin' ter worry erbout it. I believe er 
good deal ez old Jonas Berry used ter say, ' Th' worst troubles 
er man has never come.' {John rises.) So you run erlong ter th' 
sociable. Things er bound ter come out right if er feller keeps er 
stifif upper lip, 'n' I darned near froze mine terday." {Exit John.) 

9 



Si {putting on overshoes) — " Somethin's bound ter turn up 
{enter Bill Bunker), 'n' here it is." 

Bill: " Evenin', Si, it don't 'pear ter be so cold ez it wuz." 

Si: "I haint seen no muskeeters 'round." 

Bill: " I wuz jest goin' on down ter th' store 'n' thought I'd 
drop in er minit. {Helps himself to one of Si's cigars.) No 
wonder you don't lay up no more money, Si, yer cigar money 
must ermount ter considerable." 

Si: " Wa'al, I'd ruther smoke er good deal here, than hereafter. 
You don't buy many cigars, do ye, Bill?" 

Bill: " Wa'al no, never felt so's I could afford it. {Puffs 
cigar.) Say, Si, didn't you tell me thet you gave er colicky hoss 
turpentine?" 

Si: " Yes." 

Bill: " Wa'al I give it ter mine, 'n' he died." 

Si: " So did mine." 

Bill: " I 'spose yer think that's funny. {Puffs cigar.) But 
say. Si, you 'n' me hadn't oughter quarrel, 'n' jest ter show ye 
that I'm friendly I dropped in ter talk business. I knowed you 
wuz all erlone becus Mary Ann saw all er your folks goin' down 
th' road ter th' sociable. I've figgered out, Si, er way thet you 
can make four thousand dollars." 

Si: " Haint goin' ter be sick, be ye?" 

Bill: " No I haint goin' ter be sick. Yer see it's this way. I 
found out over ter th' County Seat ter day thet th' new State 
road is goin' ter run right through th' Widder Pike's farm. 
Inside information. That'll make it worth twice over what it is 
now. I've got er mortgage on th' place. You've paid two 
thousand on one note of Dave's 'n' owe two thousand on ernother. 
You let th' note go ter protest 'n' I'll give yer back all you've 
put in." 

Si: " What erbout th' widder 'n' th' children?" 

Bill: " Wa'al th' town provides er place fer paupers. Thet 
haint our lookout." 

Si: " Dave Pike 'n' me fit tergether in th' ol' sixty- third New 
Hampshire. Fer four years him 'n' me wuz tent mates. Once 
when I wuz wounded at Cold Harbor he risked his own life ter 
lug me through er rain uv shot 'n' shell out er harm's way. 
While men like you stayed ter home makin' money, he was down 
there fightin' like th' devil, gittin' thirteen dollars er month 'n' 
th' rheumatism. Dave Pike's family never'll see th' inside uv 
a poor farm ez long ez I'm er livin'." 

Bill: " Yer need money, don't ye? Ye haint got much, have 
ye?" 

10 



Si: "I haint got no more'n th' law allows." 

Bill: " I know ye haint. How be ye goin' ter pay that second 
note when it conies due next September?" 

Si {confidently) — " Oh, wa'al, that's two days after th' filly 
races in th' futurity." 

Bill {contemptuously) — " Th' filly, hey? So you're riskin' 
it all ter that filly winnin' th' race. Wa'al that's great business 
ability. Of all th' ding-busted, rattled-brained idiots I ever 
seen you're th' worst." 

Si: " Can't ye think of my other name?" 

Bill: " You always wuz er fool, Si Plummer. Swappin' bosses 
'n' racin' bosses. That kind er business leads er man straight 
on ter ruin. But keep it up. It suits me exactly. I'll git th' 
farm without yer help. Go on dreamin', go on playin' th' pro- 
tector ter widders 'n' orphans, go on chasin' rainbows 'n' you'll 
go to th' wall. Go on, go on ter ruin." {Slams the door.) 

Si: " You go to hell !" {Si puts on coat and cap.) 

{A knock at door.) 

Si {opening door, enter Mrs. Pike) — " Why, Widder, come 
right in." 

Mrs. Pike: " I don't like ter be botherin' you, Mr. Plummer, 
but they's nobody else I can go to when I'm in trouble." 

Si: " Come right over here 'n' set down, Widder, where it's 
warm. {Arranges chair.) Now what's th' trouble? Tell me 
'n' we'll fix it." 

Mrs. Pike: " I've tried so hard since David died, 'n' now 
everything seems ter go wrong. Charlie has helped all he could, 
but now he's down sick 'n' th' doctor comes twice a day. It's 
taken all th' little money I had ter keep our home tergether, 'n' 
now with this new trouble I don't know what to do." {Weeps.) 

Si {wiping eyes on his sleeve) — " There, Widder, don't cry. 
Dave wuz er good friend ter me 'n' I'll take care of you. Here 
{hands money), you take that 'n' when that's gone you can have 
some more. My mother used ter say 'it's always darkest jest 
afore dawn,' 'n' I've be'n patiently waitin''fer daybreak for th' 
last ten years. But it's coming, Widder. Th' sun is goin' ter 
rise next September, 'n' it aint never goin' ter set." {Mrs. 
Pike rises to go.) 

Mrs. Pike: " You've been so good to me, Mr. Plummer. I 
don't know how I can ever pay you." 

Si: " Yer don't have ter pay me, Widder, nobody ever has ter 
pay me. {Mrs. Pike moves to door.) But say, Widder, did ye 
know erbout my filly Mandy Lee? Wa'al she's goin' ter win th' 
gol darndest race next September, 'n' when she does your folks 

11 



'n' my folks will be like they say in story books ' happy forever 
more.' " 

Mrs. Pike: " I hope so, Mr. Plummer — Good night." (Exit.) 
Si: " Good night, Widder — good night. {Si lights cigar) — By 
thunder, that fifty wuz th' payment on th' futurity! (Totters 
to table and sits down, takes out coin.) And he said ez long ez 
yer have that you'll never be busted. Poor little filly. I guess 
what folks said wuz right. Mandy Lee never did have er 
chance — (drops head to table) . 

(Curtain.) 

Act. II. Scene: Dan Jones's Crossroads Emporium 
an Hour Later. 

(Curtain rises on card game — Lem Huckins, Sam Getchell, 
Jim Gibson, right. Dan Jones behind counter. Tobias Berry 
seated, reading, left.) 

Jim Gibson (playing) — •" Thar's th' ace, 'n' thar's th' king, 
'n' thar's th' queen, high-low-jack 'n' th' game — yer settle with 
me this time. (All settle.) Go on, Sam, it's your deal." (Sam 
deals.) 

Lem Huckins (steps over to cheese case)—"' Say, Dan, this 
cheese haint so good ez thet yer had last winter." 

Dan: " No, I noticed it didn't sell very well." 

Lem: " I can't smoke unless I eat er bit once in er while." 

Jim: " Come on, Lem, we're waitin' fer ye." 

Lem (sitting down) — " I'll pass." 

Jim: " Two times." 

Sam (laying down card) — " Spades is trumps." (Play 
goes on.) 

Lem: " Say, Dan, I heard Joel Brigg's hoss run erway with 
him up ter th' depot yesterday." 

Dan: " Yes, that gray hoss he bought er Si Plummer. He 
says Si told him th' hoss warn't afraid uv cars." 

Jim: " What does Si say erbout it?" 

Dan: " Si says he did tell him he warn't erfraid er cars, but 
he didn't say he warn't erfraid er th' engine." (All laugh.) 

Lem: " That's Si all over. He can alius find er hole ter crawl 
out of." 

Dan: " Yes, Si is somewhat of er diplomat, 'n' his father wuz 
afore him. Si's father used ter drive th' stage, 'n' he could put 
er trunk in er passenger's lap, 'n' make him look pleasant holdin' 
th' reins while he went in 'n' got er drink." 

12 



{Enter French Charlie, buys tobacco) 

Tobias: " Shut that door — I kin remember Si's father th' 
fust" day he drove th' stage. Thet wuz th' year th' water in th' 
Salmon Falls River wuz so low." 

Lem: " Wa'al it's so low now they'll have ter rub it ofif th' 
maps in th' school geographies." 

Tobias: " Yes, but I reckon we'll have a storm inside er two 
days." {Blows nose.) 

Lem: " Gee but it's blowin' some already." 
Dan {holding up letter) — " Say, Charlie, do you know er 
Frenchman up in th' lumber camp by th' name of Joe Trudeau?" 

Charlie: " Wee, I'm know two Joe Trudeau, one's name Pete. 
{All laugh.) 

Lem: " That's jest like er French pea souper. Two Joe 
Trudeau's, one's name Pete." {Laughs.) 

Charlie: " Dat's all right Meester Hockins, French Canadian 
man's jes' good as Yankee, and dam sight better, so long he 
mind your own bisnees." {Exit Charlie.) 

Tobias: " Shut that door." 

{Enter Bill Bunker.) 

Tobias: " Shut that door." 

Bill: " Wa'al I'm a-goin' to when I git in." 

Dan: " Here's er letter for ye, Mr. Bunker {hands letter) 'n' er 
paper. Never see th' mail run so heavy as it has th' last week 
er so. Keeps me so busy sortin' letters I don't have time ter 
realize how darned poor I am." {Bill sits in chair, reads.) 

Jim: " I wonder where Si is. He haint on schedule time ter- 
night." 

Lem: " Oh he'll be here all right 'fore th' mail goes ter th' 
down train. This is th' night he makes th' final payment on 
Mandy Lee in th' twenty-thousand-dollar futurity." 

Jim: " Si feels pretty sure he's goin' ter git that money er- 
cordin' ter th' way he talks." 

Lem: " Si's mxighty slick, but I reckon he's bit off more'n he 
kin chew this time." 

Dan: " Wa'al I don't knov/ much erbout it. I've be'n ter th' 
trots at th' county fair, but this high-toned hoss racin' is er little 
out er my line. However, when Si Plummer puts in all er th' 
money he's put in, you can bet he's got somethin' ter go 'n' 
come on." 

Jim: " Wa'al he can't fool everybody forever." 

Lem; " He can't fool me nuther. I've said it afore, 'n' I say 

13 



it now 'n' if Si Plummer wuz right here now (Enter Si), I'd 
say (turns and sees Si) — fer th' land's sake where have ye be'n, 
Si?" 

Dan: " You're kinder late ternight, Si. The session's most 
over. ' ' 

Si (sitting on barrel, center) — " I met Joe Lang up th' road, 
'n' he had er little reminisent spell." 

Jim: " Reminisent? I read in the paper t'other day th' best 
thing ter do when ye had that wuz ter go 'n' have it cut out." 

Si: " You mean appendecitis, Jim. Reminisin is rememberin' 
back thirty years 'n' makin' yerself believe thet punkin pie 
tasted better'n it does now. (Feels in pockets.) I thought I 
had er cigar in my pocket. How's business, Dan?" 

Dan: " Business is fair ter middlin', Si. Mail is runnin' pretty 
heavy, 'n' I'm kinder lame ercross th' back. Had er hogshead er 
molasses come terday too. I'd give er quarter if thet wuz up 
on th' platform. I guess I'll have ter wait till Amasa gits back." 

Si: " I'll take th' contract right now. How much does er 
hogshead er molasses weigh, Dan?" 

Dan: " Erbout four hundred. Too much fer one man." 

Si: " Wa'al, I'll bet if Jim Turner was here he could twitch 
it inter place. He's the powerfulest critter in Plummer's 
Ridge." 

Lem (over at cheese box) — " Jim Turner haint no stouter'n I 
be." 

Si: " Is that so? You're alius braggin' erbout how much 
you kin lift. I'll bet yer th' best cigar Dan keeps you can't 
put it in place inside er ten minutes." 

Lem (pulling off coat) — " I'll take yer bet, by cracky." (Ex- 
its, left) (All laugh.) 

Dan: " Wa'al by thunder. Si, that's er pretty good scheme, but 
I'll settle. (Goes to door and watches.) He's got 'er most up. 
Once more, Lem. That's it. There she goes. (Turns to crowd.) 
He's done it, by jiminy. (Goes behind counter, gives quarter to 
Si.) Here's th' money, Si." 

Si: " Give me three er them Plummer's Ridge Boquets." 

(Enter Lem, wiping face.) 

Lem: " Gimme th' cigar. I win. You're pretty smart. Si, 
but yer can't git th' best er me." 

Si (handing cigar) — " I didn't believe you could do it, Lem. 
(Lights cigar, sits on barrel.) 

(Enter Melvini Rhodes.) 

Tobias (sneezing) — " Shut that darn door." 

14 



Dan: " Good evenin', Melvini." 

Melvini: " Evenin'. Have ye got any halibut, Mr. Jones?" 

Dan: " No, Melvini, I'm all out er fresh fish. Haint got 
nothin' but smoked herring." 

Melvini {looking over crowd) — " Wa'al I guess if yer had any 
other kind it would soon be well smoked." 

Dan: " Jest er little Friday night meetin', Melvini." 

Melvini {going out of door) — " I should call it er Friday night 
bonfire." {Exit. Rough laughter.) 

Lem: " Th' ol' maid's up on her high hoss ergin." 

Si: " They haint no critter kin git mad so quick ez er woman 
thet's never be'n married, 'ceptin' one that has been. Powerful 
cur'us erbout Melvini. When she wuz twenty years old she wuz 
th' prettiest girl in town. Looked good ernough ter eat on er 
steamboat where everybody wuz seasick." 

Jim: " Funny she never got married," 

Si: " Wa'al she had plenty er fellers, but th' Lord never made 
one ter suit her. Consequence is, she's alius warmed her feet on 
er hot flatiron." {Rough laughter.) 

{Enter Amasa; rushes to stove, blowing fingers.) 

Dan: " Took ye er long while ter carry out that special 
delivery." 

Amasa {shuffling at stove) — " Wa'al I had ter go way over on 
the Crown Point Road." 

Jim: " What's th' matter, be yer feet cold?" 

Amasa: " I guess your'n would be cold if yer walked four 
miles in th' snow without no rubbers." 

Si: " Go ahead 'n' step it off er bit. I haint seen ye dance fer 
some time." {Music starts and Amasa breaks into clog. All 
applaud.) 

Dan: " Now, Amasa, bein's yer got so much step in yerthey's 
er basket er groceries behind th' counter thet's got ter go up ter 
Mrs. Stubbinses." 

Amasa: " Gee wilikins — I just walked four miles. I didn't 
agree ter be er grocery clerk, assistant postmaster 'n' er delivery 
hoss fer two dollars er week." 

Si: " That's erbout th' best-gaited boy I ever seen. (Looks 
over at Tobias.) Good evenin', Tobias. {Tobias doesn't hear.) 
Good evenin', Tobias — Tobias is mad becuz I wouldn't trade 
hosses th' way he said yesterday." 

Dan: " What hosses wuz you 'n' Tobias shiftin', Si?" 

Si: " He wuz givin' me his old gray mare 'n' twenty- five fer 
my big bay hoss." 

15 



Lem: " Oh go ahead, you fellers, 'n' let*s see ye trade hosses.'* 

Tobias: " Wa'al I offered twenty-five ter boot 'n' that's 
ernough. My mare haint only fourteen." 

Si: "I haint sayin' nuthin' ergin yer old mare, but I'm 
lettin' ye have one thet's th' right kind, goes with his head up 
'n' his tail up, er good looker 'n' er good hooker, haint he, Dan?" 

Dan: " That's what he is, Si." 

Tobias: " Did ye say he warn't erf raid er nuthin' ?" 

Si: " He's only erfraid er one thing, 'n' that is thet somebody'U 
say whoa 'n' he won't hear it." 

Tobias: " I'll give ye twenty-five." 

Si: " No, siree, nothin' but fifty will do me ternight. I've 
got my mind so set on gittin' fifty thet I wouldn't take sixty." 

Dan: " I'll tell yer what ter do. Si. Play er game er smudge 
ter see whether Tobias gives ye fifty er nothin'. Will yer do 
that, Tobias?" 

- Tobias: " I will if Si will." 
Jim: " What dye yer say, Si?" 
Si: " Bring on yer cards," 
{They sit down) 

Dan: " Low man deals. {They cut cards.) 
Tobias {cutting) — " There's th' deuce." 

Si {cutting) — " 'N' there's th' ace. My deal. I can almost 
feel that fifty now." 

Tobias: " I give ye three." 
Si: "I never sell fer three." 
Tobias: " Then I'll set ye up." 

Si: " Wa'al hearts is trumps. There's th' ace, 'n' there's th' 
king, play ter that one, 'n' there's th' jack, 'n' there's th' five- 
spot smudge 'n' out." {Crowd shouts. Dan goes behind 
counter) 

Tobias {counting out money) — " Gol darn ye, you be th' luck- 
iest critter, nothin' but luck." 

Si: " That haint luck, Tobias, that's science — by th' way, 
Dan, make out er money order fer fifty dollars so's I kin send it 
ter Boston. {Tobias hands Si money. Si walks over to counter, 
pays for money order. Crowd rises to go) Here goes th' final 
payment on Mandy Lee {holds up letter) — accordin' ter rules 
'n' regulations this letter had ter be postmarked before eleven 
o'clock, March first." 

Bill {sneeringly) — " March first, hey? Wa'al terday don't 
happen ter be March first." 

16 



I 
I 



Dan {sympathetically) — " No, Si, yesterday wuz March first." 

{All hut Sam shout and laugh derisively, and move to door) 

Tobias {at door laughing) — " I'll be up 'n' shift them horses> 
Si, termorrer, March third." 

Bill {sneeringly) — " This is once in yer life, Si, you've got th' 
short end er th' rope {laughs). Mandy Lee's got er fine chance. 
You wait fer her ter win 'n' you'll be eatin' snowballs. Twenty 
thousand dollars, hey? {Exit, laughing.) 

Si {sadly) — " That's what yer git havin' last year's calendars 
fer Christmas presents." 

Sam: " Haint they nothin' can be done. Si? {Si shakes 
head.) Gee that's too bad. {Exits.) 

Si {sitting on box, front) — " Mandy Lee, they's jest one more 
chance — Dan !" — 

Dan: " What is it, Si?" {Comes down front, sits on box.) 

{Sound of sleigh bells, stop outside) 

Lige {poking head in door) — " Say, Dan, I've got ter go up th' 
road 'n' git er trunk. Have th' mail ready when I come, fer I'm 
late already." {Exits, hells) 

Dan: " I don't think it will bother me much ter git it ready. 
They warn't but one letter ter go, 'n' that wuz your'n, Si." 

Si {excitedly) — " What dye yer say, Dan, if we send it?" 

Dan: " What good'll that do? You said it had ter be post- 
marked yesterday." 

Si: " Dan, don't yer remember that piece we used ter speak 
in school? ' Backward, turn backward, O Time, in your flight !" 

Dan: " What der yer mean. Si?" 

Si: " Let's give old Time er flop. Fix yer old stampin' 
machine so's it'll say March first. Nobody'll ever know it." 

Dan {shaking his head) — " I can't do it. Si. I've be'n post- 
master fer thirty years, 'n' I've alius done jest what th' Govern- 
ment rules call fer. I haint even read er postal card." 

Si: " Dan, yer don't seem ter realize what it means ter me. 
It means almost life 'n' death. It means th' happiness of my 
own home. It means thet Dave Pike's widder 'n' children will 
be kept out er th' poor farm. Money has been hard lately, 
Dan. When I come in here ternight I didn't have th' fifty ter 
send, but I got it. I've lived here all my life, 'n' this is th' first 
favor I ever asked of any man, woman or child in Plummer's 
Ridge." 

Dan {slowly rising and going back of counter — Si follows) — 
" You're th' only man in th' village I'd do it fer, Si, 'n' I hate ter 
do it now." {Dan fixes stamp) 

17 



Sir " Is it all fixed fer March first?" 

Dan: " Yes." 

Si: " Then give her one wallop, Dan, fer luck." 

Dan (holding stamp up hesitatingly) — " I can't do it, Si, I 
can't do it. It's ergin th' Gover'ment rules." 

(Sound of sleigh bells approaching.) 

Si: " What's Gover'ment rules between old school boys like 
you 'n' me, Dan? Yer don't realize, Dan, if yer did yer would. 
Go on, Dan, hit 'er, Dan. For God's sake, Dan, crack it." 

(Sleigh bells stop. Dan strikes stamp just as Lige enters in a 
rush.) 

Lige: " All ready, Dan?" 

(Dan drops letter in bag, closes it and throws to Lige — Exit 
Lige.) 

(Si and Dan grasp hands.) 

(Curtain.) 

Scene III. Old Mystic Park Race-course in September. 

(Mandy Lee seen in stall. Grooms about, sulky, trunks, etc. 
Si seated, on trunk. Sam com-es out of stall with boots. John 
standing looking at watch.) 

Sam: " How did she go that last mile, John?" 

John: " Fine, Sam. Keep her warm now, she's already for 
the race of her life. Have her ready at two thirty." 

Sam: " And she'll win too. She's got fire in her eye jest like 
her old mammy used ter have. If they beat her today they'll 
know they've be'n to er hoss-race." (Limps into stall with pail.) 

(Enter Lent Huckins and Lige with paper boxes.) 

Lem (rushing up to Si) — " Wa'al we're here. Si, me 'n' Lige. 
Thought we'd come down 'n' see how ye come out, bein's howth' 
railroads run excursions. We brought our lunch with us, too, 
hj gum." 

Lige: " Yer bet we haint goin' ter pay no twenty-five cents 
ter any er them rest'rant fellers." (Goes over to pail and eats.) 

Lem (opening his box) — " Say, I never seed sech er crowd 
sence I went ter muster. Th' folks er jest comin' through th' 
gate like droves er cattle. Jiminy crickets, they'll be so many 
here thet er feller can't spit without hittin' somebody's boots 
(takes a bite). I'mhopin' your filly will win, but I haint gpin' ter 
let that interfere with my judgment. I'm goin' ter bet two 
dollars on Delia King." 

Si (looking up from paper) — " You're goin' ter plunge be ye, 
Lem." : 

18 



Lem: " Wa'al I'm alius ready ter back my opinion." {Goes 
on eating.) 

Si: " You wouldn't bet you were livin', Lem, till yer stuck er 
pin in yerself ter make sure." 

Lem: " You jest wait 'n' see. Jest ez soon ez I finish this 
lunch I'm goin' ter hunt up one er them bookmakers." 

{Enter score-card hoy, left.) 

Boy: " Score cards on th' races." 

{Enter Percival Brown.) 

Si: " Here, Sonny, gimme one er them cards. Keep th' 
change 'n' buy peanuts." {Boy exits, right, shoviting.) 

Si {reading card) — " Wa'al that looks pretty good. Number 
five on th' card is Mandy Lee, bay filly, by Baron Wilkes; dam, 
Nellie P., by th' Hooper hoss, entered by Silas Plumxmer, Plum- 
rner's Ridge, N. H. — -Staples, driver. John we've raced er lot in 
th' bushes, but at last we make our debut in high society." 

Percival {to Si) — " Is this Mandy Lee's stall?" 

Si: " Yes, it is, young man. Did ye want ter buy her?" 

Percival: " Oh, no, but I jest bet on her. There's th' ticket, 
a hundred to one. If she wins I'll get a thousand. How's that 
for a minister's son?" 

Si: " That's pretty good fer er miinister's son er a minister 
either. They haint er minister up my way thet would believe 
they wuz er thousand dollars in th' whole world. Honest, be 
you er minister's son?" 

Percival: " Sure thing, mister." 

Si: " Wa'al, er race-track is er funny place fer er minister's 
son." 

Percival {derisively) — " Oh no, this is no place for a minister's 
son." {Sings.) 

{Enter Fortes que.) 

Si: " Say you must have b'n ter singing school." 

Percival {moving to exit) — " If that ticket don't win I'll sing 
another song. But she's going to win. I had a hunch." {Exit, 
right.) 

Si: " Had er hunch. What in thunder is er hunch?" 

Fortesque {laughing) — " A hunch, old man, is when a fellow 
has a presentiment, or a dream that something is going to happen." 

Si: " Him and me must have had er hunk er th' same mince 
pie. I had th' same kind of er dream myself." 

Fortesque: " What, are you the old guy that owns Mandy Lee? 

19 



Well, well, old man, I admire your nerve for shipping way down 
here from New Hampshire. Why, your filly hasn't got a chance." 

Si: " She had all of her legs on er few minits ago." 

Fortesque: " That's all right, my dear man, but there's nine 
other colts in there, the best in the land. Why that filly Con- 
tralto will step by your filly like an express train passing a water 
tank. She can go a turn like a rocket." 

Si: " Yer never see my filly go, did ye? Wa'al, last spring she 
got scared of a dog out in th' field, 'n' she trotted eround er 
dump cart so fast thet she switched her tail in her own face. 
Say, what hoss do you own?" 

Fortesque: " Oh, I don't own any horse. I've got a sure 
thing business. I make a book on the races and let the other 
fellows do the guessing." 

Si: " Is that so? What's th' bettin' on th' futurity?" 

Fortesque: " Well I'm offering four to five on Contralto, even 
money on Delia King. The rest are twenty to one, and a hun- 
dred to one on Mandy Lee." 

Si: " Well here's er hundred. If I win I git ten thousand 
dollars." 

Fortesque: " Sure, and I hope you do for the betting is heavy 
on the other end." 

Si: " And if I lose I'll have ter ride th' filly back ter Plum- 
mer's Ridge. {Fortesque starts to leave.) 

{Enter Dan, Sally, Miss Truell and Thanie.) 

Si: " Hold on, here's another feller wants ter make er bet. 
Dan, you're jest in time. Here's er bookmaker. Mandy Lee's 
er hundred ter one." 

Dan: " Wa'al I'll bet ten." {Puts up money) 

Fortesque: " Well, so long. I hope I see you after the race." 
{Exits in a httrry.) 

Dan: " If my ticket wins he'll see me if I have ter chase him 
ter New York 'n' back ergin. Yer don't 'spose he would run 
erway with that money do ye, Si?" 

Si: " Wa'al if he does you'll have th' consolation of knowin' 
thet you'll have plenty er company in th' chase." 

Thanie {coming from stall) — " Oh, Uncle, I just gave Mandy 
Lee a loaf of sugar, and told her to win and she nodded her head 
just as if she knew what I said." 

Si {looking at watch) — " Better get her ready, John. It's 
most time." 

Miss Truell: " Isn't she the darling? I just love horses. I'd 
love to be around them all the time." 

20 



Si {confidentially) — " I've alius got several at home such as 
they be, Schoolmarin, 'n' Plummer's Ridge haint such er bad 
place fer er permanent residence." 

Lem {starting for exit, left) — " Wa'al, Si, me 'n' Lige er goin' 
down ter th' track. I hope yer win, but I don't believe yer 
will." 

Si: " Lem alius wuz er cheerful cuss." 

Sally: " Such a crowd; we had th' awfullest time er gettin' 
here." 

Thanie: " The cars are just packed. It took us ten minutes 
to get through the gate." 

Dan: " Jest look at 'em comin', thicker'n th' flies eround er 
barn door." 

Si: " Here comes th' raciest looking lot er high-steppers I've 
seen terday." 

{Enter city girls, left — dance.) {Enter Percival Brown, right.) 

Si {after exit of girls) — " If Mandy Lee wins terday I'll dance 
like that all the way back home. {Bell rings, call o^itside.) 
Hook her up, boys. {Filly is led out and hitched to sulky.) _ See 
that yer boots er all right. Don't buckle that girt too tight. 
Is her check right 1 {To John aside) And now, my boy, the time 
has come thet we've been dreamin' of since Mandy Lee was 
foaled. It all depends on you and her, John. Don't use her 
speed too much in scorin', 'n' when yer do get th' word drop her 
right in behind th' bunch. When you get straightened erway 
on th' backside move up ter that Contralto. She's the best of 
th' lot. Let her set th' pace to th' head of th' homestretch, 'n' 
then pull Mandy Lee out 'n' drive — drive 'n' don't stop drivin'. 
Whatever yer do don't go ofl in front. Fellers that do that 
couldn't drive er hungry dog offen er meat wagon. That's all, 
John, it's up to you." 

John: " Uncle, I'll do the best I know." {John walks off 
behind sulky. Exit Thanie, Miss Truell, grooms, etc) 

Si {lighting cigar saunters off left, turns and sees Sally and Dan. 
Sally on trunk.) — " Come on, Dan 'n' Sally, haint ye goin' out 
ter see th' race?" 

Sally {nervously) — " I haint er goin', I'm goin' ter stay right 
where I be. I shall die of excitement, I know I shall." 

Si: " You haint nervous be ye, Dan?" 

Dan {excitedly) — " Oh no, I haint nervous, but I guess I'll 
stay here." 

Si: " Wa'al, I'm goin' out 'n' see th' race. If they beat 
Mandy Lee terday I haint goin' ter leave it ter somebody else 
ter tell me how they done it." {Exit.) - 

21 



Sally {kicking trunk with heels) — " I shall die, I know I shall. 
I don't see whatever possessed me ter come down here. I wish 
I wuz home." 

{Bell rings in distance. Crowd cheers.) 

Dan {excited) — " They must be out on th' track now. {Climbs 
up on bale of hay, looks over fence.) They're turnin' now. 
There they go. {Bell.) No they're stoppin', one of 'em made 
er break. Si's filly acts like 'n old race-horse, 'n' John's settin' 
straight ez er deacon. They're turnin' ergin. Now they're 
comin' down fer th' word, head 'n' head. Hold her steady, 
John, hold her steady. They're off. {Crowd shouts, prolonged.) 
Th' black colt is off in front, three of 'em are lapped on him 'n' 
Mandy Lee is fifth, 'n' th' rest of 'em right at her wheel. By th' 
great horn spooks, they're fiyin' eround that turn, 'n' th' dust is 
so thick yer can't hardly tell one from ernother. There goes th' 
black colt. He's shot his bolt. Delia King has gone to th' 
front and Turner has Contralto lapped on her wheel. Mandy 
Lee is marchin' true and strong with her white nose right in 
Turner's back. Now Contralto is movin' up to Delia King. 
She's outtrottin' her. She's passed her and takes th' lead. 
'N' there's Mandy Lee peggin' erway hangin' on like er bull-dog. 
Keep her there, John ! Keep her there ! They're makin' th' 
last turn. It's er battle between Contralto and Mandy Lee. 
They're in th' stretch. Pull her out, John, give her her head, 
lift her, John — there she comes ! She's got her nose to th' other 
mare's saddle — come on, Mandy ! Come on, Mandy ! She's 
gainin', the other fellow is poundin' now. Come on, John — Come 
on — Come on ! She wins ! — She wins ! " 

{Crowd cheers. Dan falls off hay. Grooms lead filly in, 
floral wreath about neck. Enter Si and women followed by crowd. 
Thanie rushes up to John. Si puts arm over filly' s neck) 

Dan {picking self up) — " Wa'al, Si, yer did it." 

Lige: " Si, you're th' luckiest feller that ever wore shoe 
leather." 

{Enter Fortesque) 

Fortesque {shaking Si's hand) — " Congratulations, old man. 
You've got th' greatest trotting filly the world has ever seen." 

Si: " That express train er your'n w^arn't running on schedule 
time." 

" Fortesque {laughing) — " Horse racing is mighty uncertain." 
{Enter Lem) 

Lem {excitedly) — " Say, Si, I heard er man say he'd give 
twenty thousand fer your filly. He's puttin' fer here fer all he's 
worth." 

Si: " Wa'al, he can't buy her. Mandy Lee has earned er good 

22 



home, 'n' she'll spend th' rest of her days livin' on th' best of 
fodder that grows on Plummer's Ridge." 

(Curtain.) 

Scene IV. The Road to Happiness. 

( Two weeks later) 

Si and schoolmarm on wedding journey in buggy drawn by 
Mandy Lee. Wheels and harness tied with ribbons. Grips in 
back. Orchestra plays slowly wedding march as team crosses 
stage. 

(Curtain.) 



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